Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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