Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
