I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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