This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
