Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
