you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
