We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Randomize
