MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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