Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
