I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
