Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
