you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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