so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
