So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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