i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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