So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
