just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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