Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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