I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
