wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
