I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
