Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I cut my penus on the lid.
it glows. i had to have it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
