At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
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