so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
