Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
