is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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