i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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