i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
