I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
