the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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