Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
