Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
