she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
