Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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