I hope mine doesn't look like that
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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