It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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