3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
