I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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