I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
