she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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