some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
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You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
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I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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