What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I know her cup size but not her name....
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