I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
