Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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