i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
