This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
