So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
