The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
