I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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