R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
