Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
