Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Someone signed my nipple.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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