You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
