I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
