well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
