Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
