you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
