I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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