My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
