so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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