when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
