And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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