Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
