I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
