i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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