I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
