the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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