You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
