he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
