Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize