Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
