You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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