you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
