Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
