what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
