What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
