im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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