I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
